Lessons on Surviving a War
by miikka-xx
Summary: Sometimes, it scared Gin at how natural it seemed that everything he did always came back to her, as natural as a heart beat or breathing. ginran. complete. Because we needed a Gin-centric take on 415.


**miikka-xx:** listening to the inception soundtrack and gushing over chapter 415, i have spit out another ginran for ya'll.

**title:** lessons on surviving a war**  
rating:** K**  
summary:** Sometimes, it scared Gin at how natural it seemed that everything he did always came back to her, as natural as a heart beat or breathing. ginran. complete.**  
disclaimer:** if only i did. we need a giant arc of gratuitous ginran for all the ruthless angst us fans are put through when we ship this.**  
warning(s):** angst, short and breaks every rule of the english language. read with caution. uber-vague spoilers from 412 to 415.

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_lessons on surviving a war_

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She doesn't know he did it for her. She doesn't realize everything he's built up was for her. She doesn't understand that it is her (_and only her_) that has dictated everything until now.

(_why? why are you with him?_)

(_for you! youyouyou_YOU)

is what he wants to say (_because _he _hurt her, and now you're going to kill him_) but he can't because there's something clogging in his throat (_like you're gonna cry_) and he's afraid it might all come out - everything

(_I think I love you, but I'm not too sure._)

he can't even begin to describe how he felt that day, the moment it had slipped out of her lips, that little whispered confession under the unforgiving heat of Rukongai (_the same sky that watched _him_ take everything away from her, in front of your helpless eyes),_ there's simply her (_that's all your world seems to boil down to_) and you and _him_ -

(_I don't have emotions_)

is what he tells his new captain, which is such a blatant lie that the man buys it and holds it close to him like a mantra, reassuring himself that his new subordinate won't do anything against him because Gin is just what he says

(_I'm sorry_)

he tells her with as much emotion as he can muster under the cool gaze of his captain and he wonders if she'll finally get it, finally understand, finally _forgive_ -

(_her eyes tell you the one thing that still haunt your dreams - "next time we meet, Gin, I will be the one to kill you."_)

yet he can't hate her for it, no, he just loves her all the more because that's who she was -_ is _- always will be - headstrong, beautiful, passionate, loyal

(_yours_)

and he sees her again, there, in that misplaced town of the Strawberry, but his captain is there and it's close - real close - he can taste it; his vengeance, his victory, yet she shows up

(_damn it! no, please, you need to go, _please)

is how desperate his mind sounds that he needs to shut it down and let his captain's Gin take over (_the killer you really know you are_) so he can subdue her reiatsu, just get her away right now - the hell away from _him_

(_why, Gin? why?_)

and just before he kills her (_but it's not really killing, is it, because you know you will see her again_) he tells her what he tells his captain (_no emotions. just enough to love her, but you can't say that_) and hopes - prays - that she will understand, will comprehend that it's _her_, that she's everything he needs, everything he's lived for, everything -

(_good job, Gin._)

is not what he wants to hear, not from _him_, not from anyone other than her, but he takes it in stride and shoves his sword into his captain, feeling that emotion clog in his throat again (_it's not crying, it's laughing - you want to laugh, truly, genuinely_) and taste the power of this simple little orb held between his fingers

(_where hers fit perfectly_)

and he sighs in relief, and let's laughter well up deep from his throat and thinks, it's over it's over it's _over_

(_and you will kiss her_)

yes - one last time, he will kiss her

(you thought you could kill me? your captain?)

kiss her like it's the end of the world

(it's time to die, Gin.)

and it's her lips that will save him.

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**an:** written in 15 minutes, while listening to 'time' from the inception soundtrack. the last two lines in parantheses were Aizen.

drop a line, i would love to hear your thoughts!


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